Trouble on Purpose/Transcript
The episode opens on an overhead view of the town of Bliss Hill. A strange man is shown riding up to the town on horseback as the title "Nomad of Nowhere" fades in, and then out. The man smiles as he pushes his hat up to reveal his eyes. The scene changes to the inside of the Bliss Hill jail, where the deputy sits handcuffed inside the cell as the Sheriff stares at him, arms crossed. Deputy: And I suppose you made up your mind that this is my fault? Sheriff: Considering being deputy makes you in charge of the keys for the handcuffs and the cell, and you somehow managed to misplace them, while also managing to lock yourself up in both... Yeah, I'm supposing I am. Deputy: I just wanted to see if I could get out! Sheriff: Well, can you or can't you? Deputy: No! That's why I need the keys. Obviously. The punk teen opens the door in a hurry as the camera pans over. Punk Teen: Sheriff! You gotta come see this. The Sheriff exits the jail and is confronted by the strange man who rode into town. Strange Man: (raising his head) Just the man I wanted to see. You look a little on in years, so I'll keep this brief. I'm hunting somebody what passed through this town of yours. Sheriff: Bliss Hill likes to keep clear of trouble. Whoever your quarry is, they ain't here. Best keep riding son. Strange Man: So you ain't seen this fella? (holds up a wanted poster depicting the Nomad) Sheriff: Like I said. Quarry AIN'T here. A townsperson hastily runs up behind the Sheriff, raising his hand. Townsperson: Wait, Sheriff! That was that one fella, the one that brought the mill back to life? The Sheriff annoyedly pinches his brow. Townsperson: He did magic? You ran him out of town yourself. You don't remember that? The Sheriff glares angrily at the townsperson for not staying quiet. Strange Man: Looks like we got started on the wrong foot. Now. You're gonna go fetch this magic man and bring him to me. (threateningly) Or I'll be making some of that trouble y'all so keen to avoid. Sheriff: (stepping forward) I'm afraid I'm gonna have to decline your offer. Ranch Hand: You know who I am Sheriff? I'm the one they call "The Ranch Hand" (wind blows as a western tune plays). Deadliest cowpoke in the Southwest. Done bad things to nice people for pennies. This bounty I'm after? Biggest payday I'd ever seen. He's the dreaded Nomad of Nowhere. Gotta be honest... I'm willing to do A LOT of bad things for this one. (gesturing to the Bliss Hill citizens standing behind him) Starting with these nice folk here. Sheriff: I've heard stories of you, Ranch Hand. (crossing his arms defiantly) Not sure how much I believe. Ranch Hand: Well... Seeing is believing. The Ranch Hand reaches under the poncho covering his right arm and pulls on a handle as an engine sound is heard. The Sheriff takes a step back in anticipation. off-screen Barty: Whoa! What's under there? The camera zooms in on Barty, who is staring excitedly at the Ranch Hand. Sheriff: Barty, get back! The Ranch Hand lightly snickers as he throws his poncho off into the air, revealing that he has an artificial mechanical arm. He turns as his arm extends to grab Barty and pull him back. Ranch Hand: (holding Barty) So, you're going to get me that Nomad, or I'm going to start making believers. One, by, one. Sheriff: Please, just let the boy go. If this is truly the Nomad you're hunting, he's evil. He won't care who you threaten! Ranch Hand: Oh, that's not what I heard. Elsewhere, Toth, Skout, and a few other members of the Dandy Lions arrive by wagon at an oil pump with a small shack next to it. Toth: Start unloading. The sooner we can be on our way, the sooner we can get back on the hunt for the Nomad. Skout walks up to the oil pump as she looks at it in amazement and excitement. Skout: Oh my stars! Is that a Dari Town 5000? I ain't seen one of those since I was back home! The camera pans downward to show a couple exiting the shack. Toth steps forward. Toth: Captain Toth. Right hand to Don Paragon. This outpost is behind on its shipment. You're the oil man? Oil Man: Am now. It was Pa before, but he hurt himself trying to get her running again. He's... gone now (sobs into his hands). Toth: (visibly uncomfortable) Well... We've got a schedule to keep. Don Paragon doesn't want to fall behind so we brought your water with us to avoid delays. Once we trade for your oil, we'll be on our way. Oil Man: Well, that's just it. Pump stopped working and we can't fix it. All we got left's a small reserve. The camera pans to show three small barrels of oil. Toth: Great. We'll take that then. Oil Woman: But that's to trade for crops. Oil Man: She's right. We just can't. Not with the pump still broken. Toth: I understand your dilemma, but you can trade with me right now or send me back to the Don empty-handed. You know which one of those is worse. Oil Man: I'm sorry. The answer's no. Toth: (getting angrier) You've already caught me in a bad mood. So if you don't change your mind, I'm going to have to drop the nice act. Toth takes out her axe as Skout quickly rushes between the group to prevent a fight. Skout: Whoa whoa whoa, let's just rustle up the old calm wagons, shall we? There's no need for a spat. Let me take a look at the machine, huh? Toth: Skout, they're refusing to pay the Don. There are rules. Skout: They are thirsty. And I used to fix these all the time back home. It won't hurt to try Toth takes a second to consider before giving a silent nod. Skout: Yes! Toth walks away from the discussion as the Dandy Lions stand by at the wagon. Jethro: What's crawled up her battle ax? She wants to get that Nomad so bad, she don't care what's in her way. Santi: (placing his hand on Jethro's shoulder) It's like I always say Jethro. Hurting people hurts people. Null: Well, at this rate she's going to give my people a bad name. Skout: The Y'dala are her people too. She's doing it for them. (looking back at the couple) Come on! Let's see that machine. Back at Bliss Hill, the Nomad sits alone in a cave. There appears to be a number of drawings on the wall, with a few scribbled out. Noticing a pair of rocks nearby, the Nomad goes to clap and bring them to life before stopping himself. He picks them up and shakes them around, attempting to mimic the rock Critters, but is simply saddened at how it's not the same. The Nomad exits the cave and looks upon the town in the distance as he suddenly hears a voice. off-screen Sheriff: Thought I might find you up here. The Sheriff walks up a small ledge as he approaches the Nomad. Sheriff: Merry Cavern's one of Barty's favorite spots besides the mill. The Nomad looks over at a sign made by the Mill Preservation Society telling people to keep out. Sheriff: If only I... The Sheriff begins sobbing as he blows his nose on the Nomad's poncho. Sheriff: I... I came here to ask something of you. There's a real bull of a bounty hunter in town, he's fixing to cause all sorts of trouble. That is, unless... we turn you over. The Nomad jumps back in shock. Sheriff: Please I've got nowhere left to go. The Ranch Hand is beyond this old man and he's got my boy! The Nomad looks back at the cave, looking to a drawing of Barty. Sheriff: (sighs) I Know you ain't got cause to do me favors after how I treated you. But if not for me, do it for Barty. (placing his hand on the Nomad's shoulder) You caused us a whole mess of trouble without ever meaning to, stranger. You ever thought what might happen if you went and started some trouble on purpose? The Nomad looks down at his hands as he forms them into fists. The screen fades into Bliss Hill as the Ranch Hand stands with a small crowd around him, still holding a now bored looking Barty. Ranch Hand: Welp, that's about all the jokes I know. Gotta be honest, didn't really figure y'all would hang around to see the showdown. Townsperson: We ain't got nothing else to do. Say, where'd you get that arm? Ranch Hand: Oh? Uh... I got it from the Iron Border. Ever been up that way? Townsperson: Nope. What's it by? Ranch Hand: Up near Tame Tooth? Know that one? Townsperson: I've never left this place. The Ranch Hand pinches the bridge of his nose as he groans. Old Man: The Nomad's here! The Ranch Hand looks over to see the Nomad standing in distance. Ranch Hand: Howdy there Nomad. I hope you're here to turn yourself in. The Nomad confidently places his hands on his hips. Ranch Hand: You're gonna risk a fight over this lot? Way I heard, they don't even like you much. The Nomad is saddened for a short moment, but shakes his head as he continues to stand confidently. Ranch Hand: Suit yourself. Let's see if your magic is as good as they say (pulls the handle on his artificial arm). Barty: Nomad, use your magic on his arm! The Ranch hand throws Barty to the side as the Nomad focuses on his artificial arm. He claps in attempt to bring it to life, but only succeeds in turning a knife on the Ranch Hand's belt into a critter. The Ranch Hand takes the knife out of his belt as it attempts to threateningly flail its arms at him. He throws it into a nearby wooden piece of debris. Ranch Hand: Fancy trick. But your aim's off, partner. Barty: What are you doing? I said his arm! Again, the Nomad claps, but only manages to bring the other knife in the Ranch Hand's belt to life. The Ranch Hand takes the knife out and throws it off into the sky behind him. The Nomad worriedly shrugs at Barty, looking for help. Barty: I don't know. Run? Ranch Hand: Good luck running from this! The Ranch Hand extends his arm and sweeps the Nomad through the doors of the nearby saloon. Entering the saloon, the Ranch Hand is hit in the back by the swinging doors as the piano begins to play itself. Inside the saloon, many objects appear to come to life and harass the Ranch Hand as he tries to focus in on his surroundings. He hears a squeak from above him, and finds the Nomad clinging to a wooden ceiling beam. He extends his arm and punches the Nomad through the roof of the saloon and into the Bliss Hill jail. Barty: We have to help him! Dolores: Let's show that long arms he's messed with the wrong town! Eugene: I think I know just the protocol. Now in the Bliss Hill jail, the Nomad sits up and sees the deputy, still handcuffed, in an awkward position. Deputy: Don't tell nobody you've seen this. Spotting the handcuffs, the Nomad claps and turns them into critters. They unlock and jump into the Nomad's hands. Back at the oil pump, the Dandy Lions continue to wait for Skout as she fixes the oil pump. Jethro: Why do all our missions to the outskirts end in a standoff? Santi: What did I tell you, Jethro? The sordid cycle of generational poverty only begets violence. Null: The only thing I "be-gettin" is bored. Suddenly, the ground begins to shake as the mill critter rolls past, leaving a large indented trail in the ground. Toth: Skout! Skout exits the shed next to the oil pump. Skout: Hoo boy! That seismoverter was a tricky customer, but I think I got it! (noticing the large marking left by the mill critter) Wait, what'd I miss? Toth: The Nomad. Skout: Well, let's get to it then? Toth: (turning away from Skout) We can't. Orders. Skout: But... Toth: (angrily) Did you fix it or not!? Skout: Oh. (turning to the couple) Good news and bad news. The good is that I got the converter rig to last you a spell until you can get a replacement. The bad? Well the pump isn't quite as busted as you think. The oil well's almost plumb dried out. You'll need to take your trade elsewhere. Oil Man: Oh... I see. Well, thank you for- Toth: Can we get this done already? Oil Man: Take it. We'll make do. Toth: Good. Load it up. The Dandy Lions take the oil barrels and give the couple two jugs of water in return. Skout: Wait, that's it? That's all we trade them for? Toth: Rules are rules. Let's go. Lots of ground to make up. Skout looks sadly back at the oil pump one last time before they set off. Dust begins to blow in front of the screen as the scene changes back to Bliss Hill, where the Ranch Hand approaches the jail. He pulls the handle on his artificial arm to get it started again as Barty claps behind him, temporarily distracting him. Annoyed, he turns back towards the jail only to be hit in the head by a rock. Dolores and Eugene join in and clap, distracting the Ranch Hand before he grabs Barty and begins holding him hostage again. Ranch Hand: Looks like we're all back where we started. So what will it be, Nomad? Care to save the little fella? The Nomad bursts out of the door of the jail. Once again, the Ranch Hand tosses Barty to the side before attempting to grab the Nomad with his artificial arm. The Nomad dodges, resulting in the Ranch Hand instead grabbing the bars of the jail cell. The handcuff critters climb up the arm and lock it to the bar of the cell. The Ranch Hand attempts to pull his arm back, but this simply results in his arm detaching, flying forward, and hitting the Nomad. Ranch Hand: I have had it up to here (attempts to raise his currently detached artificial arm, before correcting himself and raising his other arm) with your shenanigans! (reattaching his artificial arm) Now, it's time to collect that bounty on you. The Ranch Hand's artificial arm points at himself. Ranch Hand: I said "You"! The arm points at the Ranch Hand again. It cocks back, forming a fist, and punches the Ranch Hand out of the jail. It continues to punch and slap the Ranch Hand as he lies on the floor. Ranch Hand: Agh! Hey! Cut it out- agh! (groans as the arm continues its assault). The Ranch Hand pulls off the artificial arm and throws it away from him. It stands up, revealing that it has eyes and was in fact brought to life. Ranch Hand: I give! I give! (runs off into the distance with the arm critter in pursuit) Barty: Well buckle my boots, you beat him! That was so smart of you to figure out you couldn't use your magic on his arm till he wasn't holdin' it no more. The Nomad stares blankly for a second, before nodding and taking credit for the idea. The Bliss Hill citizens gather to cheer for the Nomad, as he stops himself from clapping at the last second. The crowd laughs as the camera pans up. As time passes, the Nomad sits in front of the jail as Bliss Hill citizens begin repairs on the town. The Sheriff walks up to the Nomad and leans against a post near him. Sheriff: I can't thank you enough. You saved my boy. And thanks to the pack the Ranch Hand left behind, we got enough coin to get us by for a time. We owe you a great deal. The Nomad gleefully sits forward. Sheriff: Which is why it stings that I'm gonna ask you to leave. The Nomad jumps up a little, surprised. Sheriff: Yeah, magic's the thing. Nobody done it any longer than any us have been alive. And we can't risk that kind of attention, and magic sends it all the way to the top. So thank you, but I'll be thanking you more to leave and not come back. (the Nomad looks off into the distance) If I can ask you one more thing, don't tell Barty. He won't understand. The Nomad looks over to Barty, Eugene, and Dolores as they wave back and smile at him. Sheriff: Yeah, for what it's worth... I'm glad the story's wrong about you. The Nomad gives a final salute as he walks off into the distance. His chest glows once again with a yellow light. Sheriff: Time to rewrite the rest of 'em, Nomad. The Nomad continues walking, as the camera pans up into the night sky and the screen cuts to black. Category:Transcripts